She didn’t understand.
She never would understand,
that I had looked up to her my whole life
that she walked the path I hoped to walk
always a few steps ahead of me
that when she did something
it made a difference
that her music made me feel
like maybe I could be someone.
And why couldn’t I?
We came from the same place
had grown up with the same people
the same opportunities
But I was discouraged
how could I ignore it
when she was always better?
So I walked the path she had walked
and I told myself ‘you’re not good enough’
and ‘you’re never going to make it’
And that was the heart of the problem.
I was stuck,
trapped in comparison
but so was she.
For her there was so much farther to go
the little Boston clubs she played on weekends
they weren’t enough,
But the Middle East Upstairs
or the Allston Cafe
full on a Saturday night,
that was like dreaming.
So I wondered,
if I ever made it to where she was
would I look back at some other girl gazing up at me
and be the one who would never understand?