Alice Troop // LOOKING UP

She didn’t understand.

She never would understand,

that I had looked up to her my whole life

that she walked the path I hoped to walk

always a few steps ahead of me

that when she did something

it made a difference

that her music made me feel

like maybe I could be someone.

 

And why couldn’t I?

We came from the same place

didn’t we?

had grown up with the same people

the same opportunities

 

But I was discouraged

how could I ignore it

when she was always better?

So I walked the path she had walked

and I told myself ‘you’re not good enough’

and ‘you’re never going to make it’

 

 

And that was the heart of the problem.

I was stuck,

trapped in comparison

but so was she.

For her there was so much farther to go

the little Boston clubs she played on weekends

they weren’t enough,

But the Middle East Upstairs

or the Allston Cafe

full on a Saturday night,

for me

that was like dreaming.

 

So I wondered,

if I ever made it to where she was

would I look back at some other girl gazing up at me

and be the one who would never understand?

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